There's no place like home

OK so they are not red, they are sparkly, but no matter how much I click my heels together I won't just magically fly home (which to be fair would be a really good thing given how much Easyjet are charging these days plus all those extra charges for hand luggage, what???). This time of the year, i.e. the month of November is particularly difficult.

Living in France is amazing, glamorous, romantic, poetic and filled with amazing experiences however there is no place like home and being away from home is difficult. Sometimes I think if I had stayed in the UK and got a job it would be most likely that I would be working away from home and so would not see my family more often than I do at present but at least I would only be a few hours drive away and could go home whenever I wanted. Also there are times when I am home that I think, "isn't this great!" and think about how easy it would be just to move back and fit right back into British culture and not have to overcome the cultural differences as I do here. In actual fact this is just a fantasy because no sooner would I be home than I would be miserable because I missed France.

When I moved out here four years ago everyone said how brave I was being and what a "tough cookie" I was. It's funny how when everyone says that you are brave you don't feel very brave isn't it? Anyway, yes I was being brave, I didn't know anyone in Bordeaux and I had come out on my own to study. Since then I came to Paris, found an apartment, found a job and did the whole thing over again. I think however brave people are those who overcome situations which are imposed upon them. I chose to go to France and start a new life, brave maybe, obstinately stupid definitely! Of course nothing bad happened and year after year my life has worked out, if it hadn't I wouldn't still be here. I'm also someone who despite the difficulties refuses to go back to the UK and wants to prove that I can make it (I've yet to "make it" but I'll keep you posted!). Whilst the last four years have been challenging they have also been rewarding but these rewards have involved sacrifices.

As it always the case, when you decide to move far away from home you have to accept the fact that friends and family will be further away, that their lives will continue without you and that the distance will make a difference. In some cases this can mean that relationship's are improved because you don't see each other every day and hence really enjoy the times that you do see each other but in other cases, living away means that you miss out on special occasions, relationships developing through sharing moments and you have to accept the fact that your old friends will move on without you and even become closer among themselves leaving you out. When I do see my friends in the UK I have discovered that there are cultural differences, my daily life is so different from theirs. They may be talking about the latest sales in Warehouse whereas I'll be excited about the fact that Camaïeu has its 10 days of offers and as for what goes on in popular culture forget it! They'll be humming the latest Amy Winehouse single where as in France, "Rehab" has only just come out. Of course these things don't matter in good friendships but still, events over the last few years have made me realize that sacrifices have been made.

I'm not at all complaining about my life in France. I consider myself to be VERY blessed and haven't regretted anything that has happened in the last few years. Old friendships may show signs of wear and tear but they are still standing and like any relationship they need nurturing from time to time to keep them strong. Also over the past few years I have made and nurtured many other new friendships which I'm very happy about. Everything that has happened, everyone I have met, all the relationships I have had/have still are all part of who I am today and of course I wouldn't want to change that.

What I am trying to say (in my usual roundabout fashion) is that whilst the sparkling lights of the champs elysée are only a few meters away, whilst I can buy myself freshly baked warm croissants and pain au chocolats at any time I choose, whilst I have access to gallons of great cheap French wine and a wide range of cheeses and then of course there are all those charming handsome French men…. all this sometimes cannot compare to being home with my family and friends who come from the same culture as I do, speak the same language, laugh at the same jokes, and have known and loved me for all my life.

Vive les vacances!